"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
