totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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