sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
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He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
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i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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