do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
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