I want to stick my p in your. b.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
