It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
how does that bad decision feel?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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