I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
