John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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