Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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