It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
