What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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