if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
