She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
