I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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