I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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