Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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