She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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