how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
MIDGETS
????
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
