i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
