I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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