You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
