I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
