I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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