omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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