So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
