So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
