Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Randomize
