U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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