when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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