Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
