now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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