Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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