I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
