FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
