i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
