This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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