Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
