I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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