The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
