Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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