You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
