in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
