So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
