Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
