Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I am mentally ready for anal.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
