right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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