News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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