Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
