Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
