Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
