I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
