What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
