I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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