WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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