I just made out with a guy for $7.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
