Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wish you could order shots online.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
