I will die if light touches me.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
