Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
