OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Randomize
