just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
