new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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