Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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