Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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