Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
