I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
