Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
