Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
