Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
