Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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