he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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