Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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