he shaved USA in his pubs
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
