They should really pass out barf bags in church
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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