here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
