My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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