I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
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